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But, even when I was suffering from a bad attack of unrequited love I found that if there was another boy, who was in some other way exciting, he could help me forget the one my heart yearned for – I found that physical pleasures could smother the painful heart-ache, for a time at least. Then sometimes, I found that even when I had been successful in attracting the attention of a current idol, he didn’t always turn out to be very exciting physically. So I quickly understood that what we then thought was ‘love’ was not so good if the sexual excitement wasn’t there – and that a good petting session with a boy who knew what he was doing could make a very nice, if temporary substitute for it. By this time I had also learned enough about the likely reactions of my girl friends to know that this was not something to be talked about with them. I had realised very early on that girls who were ‘easy’ quickly developed a bad reputation with both their girl friends and, more amazingly with the. ”One night when we were teasing each other as usual I asked “You say you are contented enough never having fucked anyone else other than me but you must fantasise sometimes. Do you ever think about what it would be like with someone else?”“Sometimes, but not seriously.”“Is there anybody in particular you fantasise about?”“Not really.”“Absolutely no one?”“Well perhaps, maybe, Harry.”“Aha! And who is Harry?”“Harry is a landscape gardener in our garden club that I talk to sometimes. I don’t think you have ever met him but he and I often come across each other at the various garden shows I go to.”“So what is he like, this Harry? Is he good looking? Does he flirt with you?”“He’s nothing special. Probably about your height or slightly taller. Healthy looking. Not fat or skinny. Reasonably handsome though not quite as good looking as you. Attractive. We get on well and have a lot to talk about together. He is interested in my knowledge of plant propagation and he tells me the characteristics.
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